Random chat has a culture. Nobody documents it, so most people work it out by being repeatedly skipped and never learning why.
Here is the version somebody should have handed you.
Give the other person something to work with
“hi” is not rude, it is just lazy — it hands all the effort to them. The single highest-return habit in random chat is opening with something answerable. It roughly doubles how long conversations last, for about four extra words of effort. We keep a hundred openers if you want to steal some.
Leaving is normal. Announcing it is kind but optional
People leave constantly and it is almost never personal. Do not read a disconnect as a verdict on you — they got bored, someone messaged them, they closed the tab.
If a conversation has gone well and you want to go, a quick “gtg, this was fun” is a small courtesy that costs nothing. Leaving mid-sentence after twenty good minutes is the one thing people genuinely find rude.
Do not ask for identity
Names, socials, photos, ages, precise locations. Asking is a fast way to get skipped, because it signals you are collecting rather than talking — and it makes the other person defensive at exactly the moment you want them relaxed.
Personal is fine. Identifying is not. “What is the best thing that happened to you this year” is personal. “Which city, which school” is identifying. The whole format runs on the second one being off-limits.
Match their energy
If they are writing lowercase fragments, three formatted paragraphs will feel like a different conversation. If they are writing in full sentences, matching that works too. Mismatched register is one of the most common invisible reasons chats fizzle.
Do not lead with flirting
Opening flirtatiously in a general chat mostly reads as a script, because it usually is one. Flirting that develops out of an actual conversation is fine and normal; flirting as an opener is the fastest skip in the format.
One question at a time
Sending five questions at once reads as an interview and gets one answer at best. Ask one, respond properly to the answer, then ask the next. Following up on what someone actually said is the single biggest difference between a conversation and an exchange of facts.
Answer your own question
“What is your favourite film? Mine is X” performs far better than the question alone. It halves the awkwardness and shows you are participating rather than extracting.
Report rather than argue
If someone is abusive or explicit, do not engage. Report and block. Arguing gives them what they want and keeps them on the platform; a report can actually remove them. On a moderated platform this genuinely works, which is what makes it worth doing.
Do not take the first message personally
A large share of people open with something low-effort, or open with nothing at all and wait. It is rarely rudeness. Most people arrive slightly unsure of what they are doing and default to the safest possible move.
If someone sends “hi” and nothing else, the productive response is to supply the thing they could not: ask them something specific. A surprising number of good conversations start from an opener that looked dead.
Do not interrogate
There is a failure mode where someone treats a chat as a questionnaire — a rapid sequence of questions with no reaction to any of the answers. It feels like being processed.
The fix is to react before you advance. If they say they are a nurse in Manila, respond to that before asking the next thing. One genuine follow-up is worth five new questions, and it is the single clearest signal that you are actually listening.
Assume good faith on typos and grammar
A meaningful share of people in any random chat are writing in their second, third or fourth language. Correcting someone unprompted reads as condescending, and it is a reliable way to end a conversation.
If someone says they are practising their English, that is different — they have invited it, and helping is genuinely appreciated. Otherwise, let it go and answer what they meant.
Be a bit weird
The most memorable conversations in random chat are rarely the polite ones. You have total anonymity and a stranger who will never know your name — the one thing you should not be is boring.
Ask the odd question. Have the pointless argument about whether cereal is soup. The format rewards it, and there is no reputational cost to being interesting.
Go try it — and if it does not click in four messages, that is what next is for.